1.1.1 Beginning

Why writing a blog? Why not writing a book? A blog is interactive and everyone’s free to participate. It is convenient in the sense that you don’t need to display any particular talent in writing. Well, that’s exactly what I need considering that English is not my native language. I’m a French guy. Moreover, you don’t need to convince book editors, and no deforestation is involved. You could argue though that the data center hosting this blog must consume an awful lot of energy. What makes a blog such an appeal lies in its potential unlimited audience. Emphasis must be laid on potential. Should you write a book or post in a blog, you absolutely need to have something special or interesting to say either about yourself or about the world. This fits me quite well. Bipolar disorder is a diseased which affects both your deepest self and its relationship with the world. This disorder, which can be devastating in its extreme phase, is the disease I suffer from and fight with the help of my shrink and some functional neurons.

The blog idea was born in 2011 and what you’ve got in front of your eyes is the English translation from the French version. It was originally meant to express my dissatisfaction. There’s a lot of internet material around concerning bipolar disorder. However, it does not reflect the way I conceive my disease and how I fight it. To me, it is of great importance to understand the affliction. This completes the treatment without being a full substitute to it. Having a correct vision, in any case, does not consist in giving in to mysticism or manic bombast. To the contrary, it is an attempt to think a devastating disease in rational terms. The blog ambition is to try to discuss an ethologic perspective of the manic depressive illness. I’ve read a lot of material on the internet about mood disorder. However I’ve never managed to find this perspective in any book or in any internet sites. Even bipolar psychiatrists like Kay Redfield Jamison haven’t addressed the illness the way I do. Nevertheless, my bipolar theory is very simple and very intuitive. I’m surely not the first one. Others have maybe discussed it the way I do, but they could not go as far as me, being not bipolar themselves.

Being crazy makes me legitimate to write about my own craziness. Bipolar disorder will be the only form of craziness I will deal with in this blog. This excludes other forms like schizophrenia, Autism… I can’t experiment them so their analysis in my blog would be illegitimate. Bipolar madness is unique in the sense that it is temporary. When you come down (Euthymia or normothymia), you’re bound to wonder about the manic phase. Bipolar disorder might be the “best” mental illness to try to think what craziness is. There’s no reason why only psychiatrist or psychologist would be the only authorized to do so. After all, we know what’s going on better than they do. It’s a bit strange that nowadays the medical profession is the unique interlocutor of people hit by mood disorders. Its judgment and action area are strictly bounded: you are sick so you have to follow a treatment. Thus, a tiny space is left for another rational, sensible speech about craziness. Don’t expect it to be emotional; it is rather an intellectual perspective. It is the result of a personal quest which is sufficiently achieved in order to be expressed maybe awkwardly. Again, English is not my native language.

You could be surprised of the relative absence of woman in this blog. I would describe it as a noisy silence. I will state it one more time: I want to speak about what I know and I think that women are quite different from us. Evolution has provided us with the same reasoning capacity; however the female instinct and motivation are a bit different which make a pair not a boring game. You know what, they like man and we like women; That is, in most cases. I could guess what’s going on in a female brain but I have no credibility in this area either. So if a woman could read the articles and be reactive within the editorial policy of this blog, I’m all open to discussions (especially if you look like Kim Basinger).

This blog is meant for everybody, not just bipolar. Topics will go beyond the strict framework of mental illness and they will be of interest for a larger audience. Again this will not be a blog like I feel like shit in the morning or I feel better when I sleep. This is absolutely not the subject as I am stabilized thanks to Lithium. I’m not here to express any suffering; I rather want to be intellectual and rational. I’ve got something to demonstrate and I will use all possible means to achieve that. I’ll resort mostly to science but I won’t refuse to navigate in troubled waters like philosophy. Even religion will be used and you will be surprised when I will address this topic. Religion will be an argument not an end in itself. When the theory will be completely finalized, you will perceive it with another pair of eyes.

Finally, I would like to insist on two general statements. First, you will maybe wonder if I am effectively completely nuts. Psychiatrists and Merleau-Ponty will tell you that the mentally ill can make perfect difference between what’s real and what not real provided they are sufficiently sane to do it. Bipolar disorder sufferers are allowed to perform this distinction in so far they come down one day or the other. Second, I will manipulate concept which are not really politically correct. I take some risk by putting dominance in the main title of this blog. I will refine the concept throughout the articles and you will understand then that it is totally inoffensive. I don’t like extremes in politics and I like truth that I define like the equivalence of what is thought and what is experienced. Truth has this interesting feature that it is universal, I’ll show that what I think of my disease apply to the world. A little ambition is not forbidden in a blog, isn’t it?

Basket Case / Green Day
Do you have the time
to listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once
I am one of those Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone
No doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I’m cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
Or am I just stoned ?
I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
SHE says it’s lack of sex that’s bringing me down
I went to a whore
HE said my life’s a bore
So quit my whining cause it’s bringing HER down
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I’m cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
Uh,yuh,yuh,ya
Grasping to control
So I better hold on.

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